Pasaway!

Woke up 2a.m. feeling weird. Didn't know why i woke up, first of all---no one was snoring, no dog was barking...just stillness all around. So why am i wide awake? Remembered cousin Douglas' remark the other week when one night i couldn't sleep, either---that when this happens, most likely, there's something wrong with one's ticker or BP....Well, i finally conked out with the help of last month's Reader's Digest.

Only to wake up feeling lightheaded...and as the boys went off to school, and i decided to do something 'light' like clipping recipes from the newspaper...i got breathless. Figured i just needed to lie down, and might as well use the time to gab with Allyn, a dear friend I hadn't seen in four days--before i tackled some of the chores I'd lined up for the day. But didn't feel better after that, either. Checked my BP: 163/103. Oops. Time to TEXT my doctor. Who decided to double my meds. Luckily, good friends were on their way up and were able to pick up said meds. Phew.

Thought i was a goner, for a moment back there before the meds came. Felt so sad, suddenly---realizing i wasn't ready to leave my 'babies' yet--big as they are now (18, 15, & 9). Wasn't ready to leave my hubby yet---or my beloved books! Then i realized i hadn't even written down a will to bequeath my books, my blue and whites, my zillion bags and shoes (like these mattered???my books, yeah...). There was still so much to do for our church! Couldn't leave behind what i started, could I? Before I knew it, I was crying: I wasn't ready to go, yet, God! And if fluctuating BPs were Your way of telling me to slow down, why? My world and work revolved around my family and Your church. Somehow, i'd even begun to let go of the school, the community club, the ladies' club...so all my energies were focused on my loved ones and my church. So shouldn't i be given more strength to finish my 'jobs'? Not yet, Lord.